The UK home for farts in a jar. Here at Farts Direct, we are committed to sending you the best (and worst) flatulence around. There is a variety of stinks to choose from and plenty more brewing. Our whole team are loud and proud to share these pungent pickings with all who dare to smell. But can you handle it?
Is this real? As close to real as a fart in a jar can get. Our clients love our product and we do everything to make sure each and every customer is happy with what we deliver!
Where does the fart come from? Our super top secret method. Even so, would you ask the colonel to divulge his secrets? But don’t worry, it’s not flammable and it’s non-toxic.
What comes in a Farts Direct Jar? A fart. Plus, a customized note that says whatever you want. Also, there’s optional gift wrap.
Can I send a Farts Direct Jar anonymously? Yes! However, they won’t know who sent it unless you want to sign your name to the note. Nothing short of a court order will unseal our cheeks.
How long does the smell last? 7-10 days depending on temperature and nostril flow. This includes shipment time.
Does it really stink? It won’t knock you out. Although you can sure as hell can smell it when you open the jar. Above all, it’s hilarious and the perfect way to break the wind…I mean ice.
How long does dispatch and delivery take? These items are made to order, and it is our busiest time of year, especially at Christmas. We are working round the clock to keep on top but production and dispatch can take 7-10 days depending on the time of year. If orders are placed on a weekend, we wont process the order until Monday at least. Thanks for your patience.
Firstly: Decide on the aroma…
Customise the scent that wafts out of the jar. Choose the scents like Curry Napalm, Hanging Out Of Your Arse, Love Puff and more.
Then: Write your sweet nothing…
Decide on a personalised message or send it anonymously. We will print it out on a heavy grade parchment paper and finish it with a lovely bow of twine. Fishing for the note while being engulfed in stink is half the laugh.
Next: We start brewing and packing…
Our dedicated team will seal up your stink jar and ship it out within 1-2 working days so it has plenty of time to ferment and ripen. The Fart will then be sent Direct to your recipient’s door.
Finally: Kick up a stink!
What’s that smell? Oh, that’s just the smell of victory as they breathe in the stink, read your custom message and save that memory for a lifetime.